I am Obamah. Are you Khayaal Jee?"

Embrace Islam, Be Secure (Aslim, Taslam)

Rang-o-Noor (BY SA'DI)

(Shumara: 515)

May Allah forgive us! Today's column comprises fancies of Mr. Khayaal Jee.

My Shop: Getting fed up with unemployment, I thought of searching out a means of livelihood. You know  that I, named Khayaal Jee am neither a politician nor a scientist nor an  engineer. How should I earn and what to eat now? At last, I went to my teacher Darvesh Jee who said, "Why do you worry? Open a shop for selling spells and charms, you will grow rich within days. Listen! The present day rulers are awed and terrified of extremism, violence and Jihaad. Become a sagacious charmer and doctor and then keep counting currency notes all the time like the father of Malala Yousaf Zai." Suggestion of Darvesh Jee was reasonable which appealed me directly. I said, "O guide, give me loan so that I may rent a shop." He gave me three rupees, one for rent, one to pay wages to get the board written and one to buy a plane. He said, "I see, you will have to go on long journeys." Filling Rs. 03/- in brief case, I came out the Darvesh's hut, rented a shop in  the market, got a beautiful sign board written as, "Extirpation of extremism, sure shot treatment for violence and noval method of avoiding Mujaahideen. Hazrat Hakeem, Doctor, Competent Practitioner, Sagacious and Think Tank Khayaal Jee, phone no."

Chain of Phone Calls:      After taking tea on debt at Khan Jee's hotel when I was about to leave, Khan Jee demanded its price. I bragged smiling, "Don't worry, I shall pay back all the debts." No sooner did I  sit at the shop, than there were phone calls one after the other. I was worried whose phone call I should attend first. Then I decided to attend the call of a black first. Pressing the button, when I held the phone to my ear, there came a half-breathed voice,  I said, "Yes, speak." He said, "We are ruined. We have spent trillions of dollars but neither have Mujaahideen been wiped nor has Jihaad ended. We have seated our purchased slaves in every Muslim country but Jihaad is still prevailing. Now our own security is in danger. Give us a suggestion and a charm. There is Jihaad and Mujaahideen from Afghanistan, Iraq and Africa everywhere." Saying this, Obamah began to sob and sigh. I said, "Obamah, do you know the fee charges?" He said, "Tell me. I shall not drink hump and charas and pay it off." I said, "It is Rs.5:50." Obamah began to weep, "Give me some concession. Our country is facing fiscal problems. Rebellions are rising. Russia is again arising. China and Northern Korea are also not to be subdued and these Mujaahideen!  Alas! They are not decreasing in number despite spending billions of dollars and daily bombing. We don't know, whether they are growing from the earth or  falling from the sky." The bargain was settled at Rs. 05 after long haggling and I promised Obamah to visit America saying,  "I am visiting Washington soon and will give you suggestions." The phone hung off with repetition of thank you again and again. The phone bell rang again. It seemed from the sound of bell that the phone was from a neighbouring land. When I attend it, drum like voice came. I was about to wonder that a faminish voice sounded, "I am Narandira Modi from your neighborhood." I said, "How are you Modi?" He said, "I am just coming back from the tailor fetching the suit which he has stitched on the Independence Day; a torty blue dress. He wrote on the front and the back of the trousers "Modi, Modi." The immodest fellow!"

    I have sold that suit but now I have ordered for eight suits stressing the tailor on to stitch strings of bells with it. Then I went to photographer for a few new photographs. I am awfully busy now as I am to visit several countries and am to get my snaps drawn in new clothes everywhere. I embrace every Prime Minister and get my demands accepted. Getting fed up with this nonsense, I said, "Let it go. Why have you phoned me?" He said, "Extremism is increasing in our country. The Mujaahideen are again gathering in Kashmir. There seems great danger from Afghanistan also. I am greatly afraid with increasing heart beat. Americans tell us that India is in great danger. Give us a suggestion, a charm or a spell." I promised to visit India on the payment of Rs. 04/- What is this. The pone bell is ringing again. It was Russian president Putin who cried, "There are Mujaahideen from Cyberia to Tajikistan and from Qafqaaz to Aamu everywhere. Fourteen thousand individuals have escaped from Russia and middle Asia to Syria and Iraq and have become Mujaahideen. The head of the secret agency is also included in it. We have already been defeated in Afghanistan." Saying this, Putin began to weep and said, "When I see pictures of those Mujaahideen, stooling begin to eject. These days, we are bombing at Syria but our own land is going out of control.  What is this jihad? Our security is in danger. Tell and suggest us something." I promised to visit Moscow at the payment of Rs. 3.50.

    I was unemployed till yesterday but today I have orders from three countries and I am counting currency notes in my thoughts like Zia-ud-Din Yousaf Zai.

Preparation For Journey:   The phone bell was ringing again. Now it was Iran on line very deceitfully. I rejected the call. Then it was England. I rejected that call also. How many calls can a single individual attend? I decided to answer the first three orders then to attend to other calls. I bought a new plane from the nearing stall, inflated it at the tyre shop of Uncle Rahim Bux and got ready to visit America, India and Russia but the phone bell was ever ringing. There was one call again and again. I received it in anger half-heartedly. It was Binia Min Natin Yahoo. He said, "O Khayaal Jee! O Khayaal Jee!" Then he begin to sob and sigh like a cat in the darkness of night. I consoled him with great difficulty. He said, "These Palestinian Mujaahideen! These people of the Himass!" Then he began to weep bitterly, "We have used every kind of weaponry but they fight us with big and small knives. There is awe, fear and worry everywhere. If we had used so much weaponry against any other  nation as we have used against the Palestinians, it would have been extirpated completely but they are multiplying in number. There is ever new war strategy and slogans of Al-Jhaad, Al-Jihaad. Alas! The Jews have been killed and destroyed. We have been benefitting neither from intimaces with America nor Arabs' negligence of the Palestinians. We were apprehensive of Muhammad Morsi in Egypt. We got him dethroned and brought Sici but he proved a bottle of urine for us. O security! O Security! O security! Give us a suggestion please." I said, "Natin, I am awfully busy now. I am now to go to America and then visit India and Russia. Call me at some other moment." Hearing this, he began to weep even more bitterly, "O Khayaal Jee! I beseech you. The major danger now is that of Intifaazah. Spare a few moments for us also." Taking pity on him, I promised to visit Tel Aviv also at the payment of Rs. 2.50/- only.

The Plane had a Hair's Breath Escape From Accident: Saying good-bye to the family and friends, I boarded the plane checking it brakes, peddles and handle, I drove to it  towards Russaia with the intention to go to Moscow, then India, Israel and the America in the end because the news of shortage of food in America was in the air. Taking the drum, the Indian Prime Minister went to attend marriages in the neighbouring countries. The construction of run way for my plane in Israel was going on. Hence, I decided to go to Russia first of all. Covering a short distance, a big plan panting and staggering began to come near mine. I saw through telescope big cauldrons lying at the roof of that plane. It could not fly properly due to their weight. Looking from the distance, I witnessed names of dishes as quormah, fried rice, biriaani and fried fish etc. Staggering of the plane indicated its collision with mine. I contacted the pilot through the control tower at once, "Whose plane is this?" The answer came, "Pakistan Prime Minister's who is himself boarding it and going to visit America." I said,  "Why have you loaded so heavy cauldrons on it?"  He said, "The Americans had invited the Prime Minister for fourteen days. Learning the menu of his dinners, they have reduced that visit to three days. As the Americans are very miserly, he inferred that they would supply only three times dinner during those three days. He is taking the lunch for rest of three days with him. One has to offer such sacrifices to wipe out extremism and violence in the best interest of the country. The plane is unbalanced due to the weight of the cauldrons of sacrifices. Move your plane to one side if you want to avoid accident. I removed my plane to one side at once and halted it so that the plane of the cauldrons might pass easily. When my plane was in one corner I thought of consulting my spiritual-guide.

Aslim, Taslam:  I took out my mobile phone from the bag hanging with the handle of the plane and dialed the number. A sweet voice came, "What's the matter?" I said, "I am at the seat of the plane with your blessings and going to president Putin. Tell me one point only, "Why do the countries owning factories of atom bombs and treasures of land yearn for security so much? Moreover, why is Jihaad not wiped out when trillions of dollars, tonns of weapons and gunpowder and so large armies have been used against Jihaad?" Darvesh said," O Khayaal Jee, recite Durood." I complied with it. He said, "How many names have been used in Durood." I said, "Two." He said, "Which names? "I said, "Allah and Muhammad." He said, "Is anyone greater than these two?" I said, "No." He said, "Is anyone greater truthful than these two?" I said,  "No." It is Allah's decision which Hazrat Muhammadﷺ has told the whole creature that security lies only in Islam and Jihaad. No one can wipe out Allah's words. The Holy Prophetﷺ got a few letters written 1400 centuries ago and sent them to the rulers of the entire world. There was this sentence in them. اَسْلِمْ تَسْلَمْ "Embrace Islam and be secure." Now, it is decided that even dreaming of security without Islam is impossible, neither security of the heart nor of the Hereafter. Although the Pagans deprived of Islam seem secure apparently get are not in security in reality. If you peep into your hearts, you will feel sorry for them how much they are exhausted due to the injuries of disgrace, fear, greed and uncertainty. Now, they are being deprived of apparent security due to the blessings of Mujaahideen.  As for Jihaad, it is definite decree of the Holy Prophetﷺ. Certainty of his decree is brighter than the sun itself. No one can withhold Jihaad.  لایبطلہ جورجائر ولا عدل عادل

    There was Jihaad in near past but very little because there was defect in persuasion and the field was also narrow. Now, there are showers of persuasion and the field is also vast. That's why; Jihaad is now advancing like tempests with the rapidity of lightning." Greeting me, Darvesh Jee hung up phone. I held up the telescope to my eyes and found the plane of cauldrons much away but there was still smell of quorma, fried rice and fried fish in the atmosphere. Smelling this, my hunger increased.  I threw the mobile phone in the bag and drew out the packet of parched grams from it, placed them in my mouth, started the aeroplane and began to travel rapidly. May Allah forgive! May Allah forgive! May Allah forgive!

لا الہ الا اﷲ، لا الہ الا اﷲ، لا الہ الا اﷲ محمد رسول اﷲ…

اللّٰھم صل علیٰ سیدنا محمد والہ وصحبہ وبارک وسلم تسلیما کثیرا کثیرا…

لا الہ الا اﷲ محمد رسول اﷲ